Thursday, 3 February 2011

Depression, My Old China Plate, We Meet Again

Can you lend me an ear folks? I could do with someone to share this with...

So, today as well as doing a lot with my spare time, I had a lot of time to think, too much it seems, where as I've been telling myself things are good, it seems they are not, analyzing my current situations a bit more, sometimes it's thinking too much that is a guys downfall, but can you blame me? With all that's going/gone on in my life, it's alot of food for thought, especially for one guy, especially one like myself who, I admit, isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...

One of the realizations I had, was this whole music thing, I'm taking a 'break' so to speak, but all the time, I itch to play, or write or do something, which is why I love being in a band, however, I don't think any band in their right mind would want an epileptic not-fantastic-but-not-terrible guitarist who can't travel anywhere, I'm a hinderance to any band I'd join, hence why I'm starting to think of hanging up the axes, I'm starting to think that it's all just a lost cause, but what more is there for me to do, my sight is on and off, my hands are all shaky, my speech is all slurred, so I'm really not a fat lot of good for anything else, and well, it's freakin' obvious I suck at my job, so what do I do?

I mean sure, I've seen some interesting band openings, I've sent messages, Emails etc, and got no reply and after a while it gets disheartening, "well go solo!" I hear you yell, the truth is, recording on my own, was the most lonesome, boring thing I've ever done, nobody was interested in collaborating, and when they were, they just wasted my time, sure, I know I've gotta be patient, but when you've made as many mistakes as I have and you just want to join that band that you like the sound of and you know you can work with, it's hard to be patient when all contact you're trying to make just isn't happening, or is being turned down because of the fact you have Epilepsy!

I can wish as much as I like, but I can't have everything I suppose...

Thanks for listening, it's your round btw, I'll take a Double JD & Coke


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