Tuesday, 1 March 2011

The little things...

I'd just been dropped off on Brownhills high street, I had underestimated how heavy tonight's rain actually was, in layman's terms, I was half a mile away from home, the rain was getting heavier and I was sad, really sad.

So, I popped in my headphones and took a steady walk back, the volume on low, the rain providing a nice omnipresent hum in the background as I walked onwards, hands in pockets getting wetter by the second, as forementioned, I was sad and to an extent I still am, for many reasons that I fully understand, but never want to revisit, as I walked past closed shops and flickering streetlamps, things kept bugging me and, there's nowhere else I could feel more comfortable putting this, I stopped to sit on the church wall underneath the dry cover of some trees, It's a constant thing with me, friends may have noticed that they can talk to me, and I'll be somewhere else, whereas I'll normally just shake it off and hastily apologize, I'm lost, in a web of memories and unanswered questions, worries and fears, I'll just shake it off, tell a bad joke, yeah, laugh it up Luke, keep hiding...

But how long can I keep hiding? Not much longer I reckon, the thing is folks, I've had a lot of crap to deal with the last few years, I mean sure, it could be a lot worse, you don't have to tell me twice, but as I sat under the cover the churches trees, watching the rain fall, things came back to me, people, memories, things I'd rather forget, things I loved, a girl I loved, just stuff, you know the kind of thing.

Motown music told me that everything will be OK in the end, me being the realist I am, I know that the way things have happened, hasn't done me any good, I looked at my situation, I looked where I'm at, things are getting better, but that doesn't stop me facing the fact that I wish I couldn't remember, I looked at the time, it was getting on, but I really didn't care, I had a door key, I sat on the wall for a while, contemplating more, of what may be to come, and how I could learn from my previous mistakes to make the future much better for myself, how my maverick way of life isn't really helping me at all.

I know I really shouldn't dwell on the past, hell, I'm only 20, but yet I have no bearing of what's to happen, maybe with what's going down with Framed will take me somewhere, but other that, there's nothing for me at the moment.

But I digress, as I sat and the rain fell, I looked out and just thought to myself about what is going for me, about the positives, new band, a week off work, I'm gradually improving as a musician, but again, I still feel rather stateless...

You know what's really weird though? instead of trying to please 9 out of 10 people, instead of helping people out when they need me, being a bit more of an asshole has pointed things in my direction, I've found that it really is true, being nice to everyone gets you nowhere, because for too long I tried to be nice to everyone I knew, and I thought that one day It'd come round and everything'd be swell, and it just went down the shitter, but 2011 has brought alot of good times for me so far, just little things, that turned into bigger things.

With those thoughts, I put my hat back on, and ventured back out into the rain, to the short walk home, as soon as I got home, my feet were up, I poured myself a whiskey and coke and went to bed.

One things for sure, I sat there and looked into that JD & Coke, I cracked a smile, I still loved the little things...

1 comment:

  1. wow, that's really moving ! :) I can just picture you, sitting on the wall, sheltering from the rain and removing your hat.... classic stuff