Saturday, 25 December 2010

So, This Is Christmas

Raymond Trevor Clarke
And so, we hit 40 blogs, and probably close 900 views, but right now, I really couldn't give two hoots, today was Christmas, a day that should have been full of merriment, fun and the rest of it, but alas, for us here in the Clarke household, it wasn't, it was the first Christmas without my Dad, I took a walk down to the graveyard earlier, and spent sometime just thinking, just remembering, it saddens me as I write this blog, with tears in my eyes, as a family, we've not had any luck this year, it's been a constant case of two shots of happy, one shot of sad, with all the buggery being committed by bastard families around the world, we get all of this dropped on us, as I sat, the winter sun filtering over nearby houses, the snow untouched except footprints of where I had been, I didn't know what to feel, it seems not long ago that I helped carry his coffin into and out of the church to the sound of The Beatles' 'Let It Be'.

Now my Dad was always superb in supporting me when it came to my ambitions with bands & music, more to the point we used to go on trips to S&J Music in Lichfield, to the now closed Soundcontrol in Birmingham and a few other places, and the sun always seemed to shine on us, while the windows were down, we'd talk non-stop about the songs that came on his CD's or on the radio shows, it's half the reason he was one of the best friends I had, he was always there for me when I woke up dazed from my epileptic seizures, ferrying me around when I needed it, crafting me makeshift pedalboards and stuff, if only he could see what was going on now, throwing his arm around me when my confidence was knocked at every single hospital visit, sure, we've coped without him, but that's not the point, he was the driving force of this family, sure, in the last few years, his drinking and changeable moods were cause for concern, it didn't change who he was...

If you're ever going to take anything I say in this blog onboard, let it be this
smell the flowers while you can, treasure what you have and never forget it
because when it's gone the cruel reality of nature is, theres nothing there to physically remind you of what was there in the beginning, and you'll never be able to tell them what you wanted to
so please, love and value your family and close friends, ignore the world if you must because once they're gone, you'll have nothing left to hold on to, except the "what if's" 
give your time to those who deserve it, and most of all, get to know them
but most of all, be who you are when you look in the mirror
who you're meant to be.

1 comment: